Ms. B. Discussions and Reviews

 Ah yes that is the question. A perfect opportunity to get your groove on presents itself to you but you do not take the bait right away. Is it pride? Maybe your own morality? Perhaps you would like more than the occasional romp? Maybe you are craving intimacy. Whatever the case is, something is making you question this seemingly easy opportunity to get your freak on.

On that note, you take a step back and consider the pros and cons.

Pros

1. The chemistry between the both of you is intense at times.
2. You get along well. Find the same things funny and can talk about anything.
3. This person makes an effort to make plans with you. In the near future and at times months later.
4. Single and quite available.

Cons

1. The person is 6 years younger than you.
2. They are still “finding their way”.
3. They do not have a place of their own.
4. Good relationship material if you were in your early 20’s. Or is that #1 again?

 Both pros and cons have 4 points. Which ones mean the most is what matters. I guess the bigger question is how much do you value the friendship? If you do not value it so much then going for just sex should be easy. Even though the other person may get attached. If you do treasure this friendship then keeping it platonic seems like the logical thing to do. Easy to say when you are craving a roll in the hay.

 Most have us have been through some kind of heartbreak. If you have not yet, it is only a matter of time. Sorry to burst your bubble. It is just a part of life. Sometimes if happens more to some than others. This does not seem very motivational right now, I know. If this is your first time going through a heartbreak, the way you deal with it makes all the difference.

First of all, acknowledge it! Do not deny what transpired. Whether it was your fault or not. After you acknowledgement, you will be ready to go through the other set of emotions. If you don’t you really won’t be able to move on completely. In the beginning, find ways and things to build yourself up again. For me it is music. I think I have a soundtrack for every emotion hahaha. If I could sing, I would make my own damn songs and sing them myself. Alas I can not, so I leave it up to the artists and songs that relate to what I am going through at the time. My list of songs are more suited for women at times. Why wouldn’t they be since I am a woman. Here are some song you might want to add to your ipod/MP3 and make a playlist for yourself. Feel free to comment and add your own selections.

• Real Love - Mary J. Blidge
• Karma - Alicia Keys
• Me, Myself and I - Beyonce
• Single Ladies - Beyonce
• Shut Up - Black Eyed Peas
• It’s My Life - Bon Jovi
• Be OK - Chrisette Michelle
• Like a Pimp - David Banner
• Survivor - Destiny’s Child
• Freak ‘em Dress - Beyonce
• Son of a Gun - Janet Jackson
• Control - Janet Jackson
• On to the Next One ft. Swizz Beats- Jay-Z
• Dirt off Your Shoulder - Jay-Z
• Hate on Me - Jill Scott
• Like I Used To - John Legend
• What Goes Around - Justin Timberlake
• Loe Lockdown - Kanye West
• Sorry - Madonna
• It’s a Wrap - Mary J. Blidge
• When a Woman’s Fed Up - R. Kelly
• You Don’t Know Me - T.I.
• Million Dollar Bill - Whitney Houston
• Salute - Whitney Houston

Can a straight single man be just friends with a straight single woman? It is one of the questions that come up over and over again. Most guys I know will give me the objective answer, no. How many people of the opposite sex have you spent a lot of time with and either you or the other person did not develop feelings? Maybe not enough feelings to be in a relationship but, certainly sex.  

On the other hand there are exceptions to the rule. It has happen to me before a couple of times. Me and a guy were strictly friends. We hung out a lot, talked on the phone. Went to each other for advice. Nothing ever happened sexually. Neither were there any hints. According to how I saw things that is. Maybe there were hints but, I did not notice them.

The question of, can women and men be just friends came to mind because of some recent events. I am not a guy but I don’t believe I’m naive either. So guys, if we are friends and I say to you, yea you can come over and chill. We are both bored and just feel like hanging out. Why ask me if I mind that you have some scruff on your face? (You have that Justin Timberlake look going on and need to shave.) Or why tell me that you are just going to wear sweats? Why would I give a shit? Your face will not be rubbing against any part of my skin and my house is not a 5 star restaurant. Comments like those from “guy friends” put me on alert. To me that means you have some kind of interest in me other than friends because you feel you need to impress me in some way. Am I wrong?

Looks like I am going to have to cool it on the hanging out at my place or his. Really not trying to go “there” with this guy. Friendships were much easier when boys and girls would run from each other from fear of catching cooties.

Speaking of back in the day….

This is in continuation from a post I titled “Man Up!”. Look under August 14 if you want to read the background of what I’m about to tell you.

The saga continues with last night. All was well with this guy friend of mine the whole day. Then his infamous ex girlfriend called him. She even called private so he would answer. I don’t know the whole conversation but, in the end she pissed him off. Once again. Telling him how she’s going to get back at him real good. So I had to ask him what he did for her to want revenge so bad. According to him, her problem was that he always has to many girlfriends. Not as in multiple relationships or having sex with a few at a time. She means just friends of his that are women. She did not trust that he could control himself. So now she is talking to some of his guy friends to get him upset. He said he never cheated on her. From her end, why would she be with someone who she can’t trust to begin with? Besides all that, why is she holding on to the past so much? In my opinion, he is giving her way too much power over him. One minute he hates her guts. The next minute he really loves her. I’m starting to think this guy is exhibiting some bipolar symptoms. All I know is that this is becoming exhausting to me and it is not even my own situation. It is time for me to step back from it. Obviously I will not be able to say anything else than I already have to get him to realize what a dumb-ass he is being. If shit hits the fan again with them and he wants to vent, go ahead. I just won’t be on the other end to hear it. I can’t anymore. He is not a child and I am not his mother. Plus if I continue hearing more of this drama it will put wrinkles in my forehead lol. I can’t help but have a confused look every time I talk to him.  

I’m sure some of you have a friend just like mine.

An acquaintance of mine is really starting to piss me off. Long story short, he is letting his ex girlfriend verbally and emotionally abuse him. So much so that he himself is depressed. I know this usually happens to women and not men. He has all the same signs and symptoms of an abused person. The feeling of being lost, weak, confused. Not enjoying the things he used to enjoy. Most of all, not knowing how to brake out of the abuse. Why would anyone let another person do this to them, let alone their ex is beyond me. To me that means you were weak from the beginning and did not have that much self esteem anyway. Something triggered that.

There are always two sides to a story, That I’ve learned over the years. Since I only have his perspective and never met his ex I can only speak of what I know. The things she says and does to him is so toxic. On the other hand, it seems like over the years, they have both in the wrong at some point. She has a crazy personality to begin with. If you provoke someone like that, it will only bring out the psycho in her. I can’t go over what has happened in the last few years because that would take a novel. She has gone as far as to try and change him. She prefers a man that is more manly, scruffier I guess you can say. This guy is more clean cut, baby face looking. What the hell? If that’s not your thing, why the fuck would you want to be with him in the first place? She tells him that he is too nice and sweet. Huh? Would you rather him knock you the fuck out like he should have done a long time ago? Man or woman, it does not matter. Be a woman! Be a man! Giving and/or taking abuse does not make you one. The only advice I could give him was to cut all ties with her. That means, block her from any social networks you belong to, delete her numbers, block her email address. He has already tried the tactic of agreeing with her to shut her up. Did not work. As he says, she always finds a way back to him. They even have to work together for a few hours one day a week. He can’t get another job at the moment because this one pays really well and he needs the money. In that case all he can do is just keep the relationship professional at work. Don’t talk or even look her way unless he has to. I’n the only one who he confides in as well. His ego is too much to confide in his close friends or family. It just pisses me off when someone is letting another bring them down so much. I guess it is because everything I have gone through has made me stronger today. 

I know abuse towards men happens. I just never seen it for myself. Has any woman dealt with a male friend or family member that has been mentally abused? How about any guys brave enough to admit they have gone through something similar. Don’t worry, you don’t have to leave you’re real name when you comment .