Ms. B. Discussions and Reviews

 Most have us have been through some kind of heartbreak. If you have not yet, it is only a matter of time. Sorry to burst your bubble. It is just a part of life. Sometimes if happens more to some than others. This does not seem very motivational right now, I know. If this is your first time going through a heartbreak, the way you deal with it makes all the difference.

First of all, acknowledge it! Do not deny what transpired. Whether it was your fault or not. After you acknowledgement, you will be ready to go through the other set of emotions. If you don’t you really won’t be able to move on completely. In the beginning, find ways and things to build yourself up again. For me it is music. I think I have a soundtrack for every emotion hahaha. If I could sing, I would make my own damn songs and sing them myself. Alas I can not, so I leave it up to the artists and songs that relate to what I am going through at the time. My list of songs are more suited for women at times. Why wouldn’t they be since I am a woman. Here are some song you might want to add to your ipod/MP3 and make a playlist for yourself. Feel free to comment and add your own selections.

• Real Love - Mary J. Blidge
• Karma - Alicia Keys
• Me, Myself and I - Beyonce
• Single Ladies - Beyonce
• Shut Up - Black Eyed Peas
• It’s My Life - Bon Jovi
• Be OK - Chrisette Michelle
• Like a Pimp - David Banner
• Survivor - Destiny’s Child
• Freak ‘em Dress - Beyonce
• Son of a Gun - Janet Jackson
• Control - Janet Jackson
• On to the Next One ft. Swizz Beats- Jay-Z
• Dirt off Your Shoulder - Jay-Z
• Hate on Me - Jill Scott
• Like I Used To - John Legend
• What Goes Around - Justin Timberlake
• Loe Lockdown - Kanye West
• Sorry - Madonna
• It’s a Wrap - Mary J. Blidge
• When a Woman’s Fed Up - R. Kelly
• You Don’t Know Me - T.I.
• Million Dollar Bill - Whitney Houston
• Salute - Whitney Houston

This is in continuation from a post I titled “Man Up!”. Look under August 14 if you want to read the background of what I’m about to tell you.

The saga continues with last night. All was well with this guy friend of mine the whole day. Then his infamous ex girlfriend called him. She even called private so he would answer. I don’t know the whole conversation but, in the end she pissed him off. Once again. Telling him how she’s going to get back at him real good. So I had to ask him what he did for her to want revenge so bad. According to him, her problem was that he always has to many girlfriends. Not as in multiple relationships or having sex with a few at a time. She means just friends of his that are women. She did not trust that he could control himself. So now she is talking to some of his guy friends to get him upset. He said he never cheated on her. From her end, why would she be with someone who she can’t trust to begin with? Besides all that, why is she holding on to the past so much? In my opinion, he is giving her way too much power over him. One minute he hates her guts. The next minute he really loves her. I’m starting to think this guy is exhibiting some bipolar symptoms. All I know is that this is becoming exhausting to me and it is not even my own situation. It is time for me to step back from it. Obviously I will not be able to say anything else than I already have to get him to realize what a dumb-ass he is being. If shit hits the fan again with them and he wants to vent, go ahead. I just won’t be on the other end to hear it. I can’t anymore. He is not a child and I am not his mother. Plus if I continue hearing more of this drama it will put wrinkles in my forehead lol. I can’t help but have a confused look every time I talk to him.  

I’m sure some of you have a friend just like mine.

An acquaintance of mine is really starting to piss me off. Long story short, he is letting his ex girlfriend verbally and emotionally abuse him. So much so that he himself is depressed. I know this usually happens to women and not men. He has all the same signs and symptoms of an abused person. The feeling of being lost, weak, confused. Not enjoying the things he used to enjoy. Most of all, not knowing how to brake out of the abuse. Why would anyone let another person do this to them, let alone their ex is beyond me. To me that means you were weak from the beginning and did not have that much self esteem anyway. Something triggered that.

There are always two sides to a story, That I’ve learned over the years. Since I only have his perspective and never met his ex I can only speak of what I know. The things she says and does to him is so toxic. On the other hand, it seems like over the years, they have both in the wrong at some point. She has a crazy personality to begin with. If you provoke someone like that, it will only bring out the psycho in her. I can’t go over what has happened in the last few years because that would take a novel. She has gone as far as to try and change him. She prefers a man that is more manly, scruffier I guess you can say. This guy is more clean cut, baby face looking. What the hell? If that’s not your thing, why the fuck would you want to be with him in the first place? She tells him that he is too nice and sweet. Huh? Would you rather him knock you the fuck out like he should have done a long time ago? Man or woman, it does not matter. Be a woman! Be a man! Giving and/or taking abuse does not make you one. The only advice I could give him was to cut all ties with her. That means, block her from any social networks you belong to, delete her numbers, block her email address. He has already tried the tactic of agreeing with her to shut her up. Did not work. As he says, she always finds a way back to him. They even have to work together for a few hours one day a week. He can’t get another job at the moment because this one pays really well and he needs the money. In that case all he can do is just keep the relationship professional at work. Don’t talk or even look her way unless he has to. I’n the only one who he confides in as well. His ego is too much to confide in his close friends or family. It just pisses me off when someone is letting another bring them down so much. I guess it is because everything I have gone through has made me stronger today. 

I know abuse towards men happens. I just never seen it for myself. Has any woman dealt with a male friend or family member that has been mentally abused? How about any guys brave enough to admit they have gone through something similar. Don’t worry, you don’t have to leave you’re real name when you comment . 

In this edition of Motivational Mondays, I chose to gather some quotes that deal with relationships. It seems that a lot of my readers enjoy my post concerning relationships and music the most. Enjoy this small collection of quotations. My hope is that it inspires at least one of you. If you like any, pay it forward and send a friend the link to this page.

•  When you struggle with your partner, you are struggling with yourself. Every fault you see in them touches a denied weakness in yourself. - Deepak Chopra 
• All disagreements are results of misunderstanding someone else’s level of consciousness. - Deepak Chopra
• When you look for the good in others, you discover the best in yourself. - Martin Walsh
• Before you try to change others, remember how hard it is to change yourself. - Bill Bluestein
•  The most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or what we do, but what we are. - Stephen R. Covey
• Whatever u give a woman, she will make greater. If u give her sperm, she’ll give u a baby. If u give her a house, she’ll give you a home. - Infinite KFC
• Love is the greatest refreshment in life. - Pablo Picasso
• Love is friendship set on fire. - Jeremy Irons
• There is no instinct like that of the heart. - Lord Byron

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. - Oprah Winfrey

*Next week will be dedicated to motivating and inspiring single mothers.

Ladies, you’re dating a guy, everything is going well. You enjoy each other’s company. The dates are fun. He calls when he says he will. This is the beginning of a budding relationship. The question is; are you in a relationship? Women have a tendency to want to put labels on everything. It makes us feel secure so we know where we stand. If there is no label, then we will be contemplating about what the deal is. It’s just how we are. For the most part anyway.

I don’t think you always need to initiate that talk. The one where you come out and ask the guy you’ve been dating if the two of you are going anywhere.  Guys get so freaked out about this. As long as things are going well with you, they don’t really think about the label in the beginning. Once you bring up the talk, the chances of him saying right away that you are in a relationship are very slim. They will talk their way around it. Then you feel like you’re not on the same page. You question how you feel about him. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

First of all if you don’t want to know the answer, don’t ask the question. Period! On the other hand if you DO want to know, this is what you can try. Instead of asking him where this is going, don’t ask him anything. Go about your life as normal. Since you’re not technically in a relationship yet, go out with other guys. Chill with your guy friends, continue those wild girls night out. If a guy feels he is yours, he will let you know. Being around other guys and behaving as if you’re single (because you still are) will give you a good indication on if he has claimed you yet or not.

This can only work if you have been dating for a few months. If you are in a on again, off again relationship then forget the above advice and just come out with it. At this point you need to know. Or make the decision yourself.

I have tried this tactic a few times myself and it holds true each time. Guys am I right? Ladies have you done this yourself?